My NOT To Do List
Most of us have kept at one time or another a To Do List. And I’m sure many of you reading this currently have one–either of the daily habit variety or one for special occasions in which specific items are necessary. I myself have had many To Do Lists throughout my life, of both varieties…. A quick hop in the car to the store to replenish groceries or to buy something for a birthday party celebration, a project, office supplies, etc. To Do Lists have been with us forever as a smart way to better manage our time and energy. They also serve an important role with creating intentions for change and improvement with accountability, i.e., a monthly or yearly planner. I don’t keep a 12 month planner anymore, but I used to. I found it to be very helpful in the first few months of the year, then something peculiar would happen…. I would forget about it. Weeks or months would pass, life went on as usual, and then I would stumble upon a colored journal, usually buried underneath other journals or books, or stuffed in a desk drawer. I would say, “Oh yeah, I forgot about you.” And life went on. Sometimes I picked the habit back up, but most of the time not, and that was ok with me, except for mild irritation at myself that I had forgotten about my To Dos and had wasted good money on a good planner.
I find myself at another peculiar juncture in my life, as I’m contemplating my later years and retirement looms (but let’s get real, I’m not planning on “retiring”, only altering my To Dos 🙂) I guess it’s normal for most to start taking personal inventory and looking back over the past years and assessing what’s next or what’s most significant to achieve, accomplish, finish, start, etc. All good stuff. But what keeps coming to mind is this….
I don’t want to live my life by a List anymore; instead, I want to live more in the moment, continuing to shed all that no longer serves me (if it ever did), be more present, feel more freedom, and expand my consciousness, blending my human and soul parts in a glorious alphabet soup of wonder. Or in other words, start adhering to a new list–a NOT To Do List. Here are my top 5...
1. I do not want to live my life through a lens of external expectations.
This means no more people-pleasing. No more pretending that everything’s ok when it isn’t, as that only makes the problems grow or morph into a monster. I want to be true to myself in a way that is loving and kind and respectful to others, honoring all paths in life. This also means stop striving to get to the top of the ladder because I’m already there! The moment is where it’s at! I’ve wasted so much time planning, plotting and scheming my next move regarding my career that I’ve lost precious time playing the game and likely have missed out on the simple things in life–the things that matter the most. I’m not knocking success, but as they say it’s way more about the journey than the destination. I’d like to look back and see where I took care of myself, and said no to others when I needed to say yes to myself.
2. I do not want to live with a toxic sense of urgency.
Partly driven by my anxiety and partly due to the above, I’ve lived much of my life with unnecessary haste. This has been evident in my physical body, such as my gait, i.e., rushing back and forth between counseling sessions, trying to stay on time while getting bathroom breaks and lunch in. And I’m sure it’s contributed to body aches and pains, tension headaches and the like. The mental sense of urgency is even worse. I’ve been as guilty as the next person saying and believing that there is not enough time for the things I want to do. Many, many years ago at my first counseling job, a dear colleague gifted me with an art print created by the StoryPeople creator, Brian Andreas, titled Enough Time. I’ve brought that framed picture with me to every office I’ve ever been in since then, and proudly have it displayed in my current sacred space. Thank you, Kim.
3. I will not try to prove my point or that I am ‘right’ with others.
Or in other words, I will try in all honesty to check my intentions. And I admit that this one is a bit hard for me as a highly sensitive, passionate person, but one, nevertheless, that needs attention. I think we can all agree on what we’ve witnessed on the global stage regarding what happens when two sides go to war–no one wins. Checking intentions means to monitor your inner sensations and motivations when in dialog with someone who disagrees with you. Do you feel a need to be ‘right,’ or to convict or persuade another to come around to your side of seeing things? If yes, then I suggest you check yourself. After noticing my own sensations and feelings when at a crossroads with another recently, I decided I really didn’t like how I felt and wanted to change my reaction to a response. And I decided on this after I heard an inner voice say, “Be still, child.” I do not want to lose patience with others and I do not want to lose intellectual humility and integrity in a quest to prove myself right. I do want to have space for growth, understanding, exploring, and curiosity, and patience.
4. I do not want a day to pass by without experiencing at least one second of Joy.
I’ve spent too much time being overwhelmed by life, completely missing life’s fairies and gnomes and sensory pleasures of all types. Depression, grief, anxiety and the like will do that to a person. I choose Joy and often this is ushered in by Gratitude. A great story I love to share to demonstrate this and aids me in this quest for Joy, comes from the Appalachian Queen herself, Dolly Parton. In her book Songteller, Dolly tells the story when the request to use her song “I Will Always Love You” in a movie starring Whitney Houston came to fruition and her response to hearing it for the first time. In Dolly’s words….
“.... Then one day I was driving my Cadillac back home in Brentwood from my office. I had the radio on, and all of a sudden I heard this spoken voice say, “If I should stay…” It caught my ear, but I didn’t recognize it. Then, when it went into the music, I thought I was going to wreck the car. I have never had such an overwhelming feeling. I had to pull off to the side of the road, because it just got bigger and bigger and better and better. I have never experienced a greater feeling in my life than hearing Whitney Houston sing that song for the first time.”
I want more Joy–that sense of freedom, excitement, and abandon!
5. I will not allow Fear to remain an enemy.
I started to write this last one as “I will not live in Fear,” but that wasn’t a true reflection. I’m changing my relationship with fear for the better and as weird as this may sound, Fear has become a partner of sorts in my soul’s spiritual journey, and I’m thankful for it. Most of life occurs outside of our control–examples of this include making someone love you, changing the past, or the place in time you were born into. Sometimes the most complex fears reside within…of who we are or think we’re not. And many times, we don’t create our own fears, but we’re affected by the fears of others, and then they become our own. We know this can happen from a deep level, such as in generational trauma. Whenever fear finds a way in, I now draw it close rather than running or hiding from it. I even give myself a hug sometimes or clasp my hands together–not out of worry, but out of true companionship. I try to comfort it if it will allow and to understand it from a place of curiosity and interest, never judgement. I’ve learned how it shows up in my body, which is usually the first sign, and then wait to hear what it has to say. Fear has become a guide, lighting the shadow parts of me to bravely lead me into the unknown. From a need to control to Valor.
When fear came,
It came quietly and
Something inside me knew
This was every chance I’d ever lost
Coming back to me–
Every wish I’d forgotten
Slowly rising like stars,
Brilliant constellations
Pressed into
the sky.
When fear arrived,
It moved quickly but
Something inside me knew
This was the darkness,
and yes this was also
the light.
–Meera Lee Patel, My Friend Fear
So there you have it folks…. My Top 5 Not To Do List.
Stop Conforming
Stop Rushing Around
Stop Trying to Prove Yourself or your Ideals
Stop Ignoring Joy
Stop Being so Afraid
As always, I hope you may find some inspiration in these words, and will be thoughtful and intentional and have fun with your Lists 😁
Til next we meet in the forest….
Love,
Amanda♥️
